A beginning is an end is a beginning

And yes, that was pulled from a mediocre mid-90s Smashing Pumpkins song from the Batman soundtrack – the really sketchy one with Jim Carrey as the Joker. But here we are and it is somehow New Years Eve once again.

This time last year, this blog didn’t exist. My period was due in another two days and my moods (to me, at least) seemed to dictate that it was going to be a doozy (because I was basically possessed by Satan himself). Jonathan and I were on the road to Atlanta with his cousin and her husband, going to see the Tennessee Volunteers play (and lose quite miserably to) the Virginia Tech Hokies in Atlanta for the Chick-fil-A/Peach Bowl. I really hate corporate-sponsor bowl names, by the way, but that’s another rant entirely. I remember sitting with all of them at a Denny’s outside Atlanta at midnight after the game, toasting the New Year with coffee, omelets, and home fries. Wondering what 2010 would bring. The next day, we headed to the lake house, where my moodiness continued to get worse. And I looked at the calendar and realized I was late. And I took a little test and my life was completely changed. And now I’m a mom. But that’s where I was this time last year, and I simply cannot believe the difference that 365 days can make in one life – or the creation of a new life.

I will always, always be thankful for 2010. I don’t really like New Years that much, and I don’t think I ever have. For some reason, it’s always felt like a lonely holiday, and I’ve never been quite sure why (as I’ve never been alone for New Years, not once in my entire life). But it’s always been a strange feeling, seeing the dates change and having to re-write my checks where I tend to restart the dates for the year right back at January. And I really don’t enjoy January and February all that much (I’ve also, perhaps not that coincidentally, never really liked Valentine’s Day – despite being in a very happy and loving marriage). So for whatever reason, after Christmas Day passes, I’m usually pretty much in a state of proverbial “yuck” with the whole New Years thing. Perhaps I should plan on going to a big party and overindulging in champagne at some point, but I just never do – who knows why? And of course it is going to be a little strange to think that Russ was technically “born last year,” especially when this year was absolutely dominated by all things baby. But I’m looking at New Years differently right now – not as a sense of anxiety about another year passing (though there is some of that and likely always will be), but with a sense of gratitude for that year. 2010 has been the best year of my life and I want to honor it today by saying “Thank You.”

Thank you, 2010, for all the blessings – oh, and ya know…God, too. Thank you, God (But that goes without saying). He knows what I mean, anyway.

Thank you, 2010, for not making me wait but about two weeks of trying for a baby, but surprising me with a big ol’ positive pregnancy test in the very first week of the year. Thank you for the adventure that followed that unsuspecting Tuesday. Thank you for January 5th, the day I found out that my whole life would change. Thank you for all four ultrasounds, including the two that we didn’t know were going to be happening – I loved ultrasound days. Thank you for babymooning in St. Simon’s (and brunch yummies at the 4th of May), steamed oysters on my 26th birthday, and all the coleslaw and salted tomatoes I could ever ask for. Thank you for that time I locked myself out of the house and Jonathan had to drive three hours from Aiken to let me in – and not having to sleep alone for one night in that 6-week work travel blitz of his at the beginning of my second trimester. Thank you for April 12th and the words “It’s a boy!” Thanks for my first ever test drive of boobs bigger than an A-cup. Thank you for July 4th and Roman Candles that made Russ jump in my belly in surprise. Actually, thank you for all the movements – I enjoyed each one more than the last. Thank you for August 22nd, 25th, and 29th, September 2nd, 6th, 9th, 11th, and every other day that I “thought” I would go into labor, and most definitely thank you for September 14th when I finally did. Thank you for having the great staff on hand that at the hospital, especially the anesthesiologist. Thank you for September 15th, the best day of the entire year and every year that came before it, and for all the beautiful, awe-inspiring, humbling, complex, and lovely days since.

I don’t care much about New Years – I never much have. But that’s what I said 365 days ago, and look what a great year 2010 was. I hope 2011 has just as many wonderful surprises in store for us as we continue, Lord willing, to live this blessed life of ours. Happy New Year, everyone!

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