Annoyances: A Rant

Today it feels as if a small, relatively insignificant couple of things have really started to grow and live on much larger level in my psyche, and I’m trying to get these things into perspective.

For starters, this whole “Fertility Awareness Method” cycle-charting birth control thing…I’m feeling a little overwhelmed and undersmart for it. For someone with an English degree and a complete and utter aversion to all things mathematical or scientifically analytical, this is a tough one. I was doing something like this (on a very I-didn’t-score-well-on-the-SAT-math-section sort of scale) for over a year before I got pregnant with Russ, but now I want to really be dilligent about the whole charting thing. But when I look at some of these sample charts on TCOYF.com (Taking Charge of Your Fertility, for those of you who have better things to do with your time and whom I am currently oh-so-jealous of), I am immediately struck by this feeling of ineptitude. Hopeless, catastrophically bleak ineptitude. Luteinizing hormone? FSH? Cervical positioning? You want me to stick my finger WHERE?

Yes, I know that’s a TMI-ish, but this blog has a pretty high TMI threshold already.

It’s just so detailed that it brings me back mentally to the kind of OCD-ishness I had going on when I was an obsessive dieter and I religiously calculated portion sizes/weights, calories, macronutrients, etc. I don’t live that lifestyle very well, and I can already see myself, a year from now, consumed by basal temperature readings, cervical fluid consistencies, and icky stuff like that. Not exactly the thing of playground mommy group conversation. But as I stated in that wonderful IUD-nightmare post a few weeks back, this is IT. Like it’s my only option, unless I want to slowly morph into Octomom. So whereas my OCD dieting and obessive exercising days are happily and permanently behind me, I feel anxiety sprouting already over how entailed and intricate a process this whole fertility charting thing could potentially become. I need to figure out a way of doing this that is actually going to work for me without turning my life into a big, figurative OB/GYN chart. I can’t do that.

Somewhere, some smart ass is reading this post and saying “Okay, well, see ya in about nine months, future preggo.” Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thanks for keeping that one to yourself, homie.

Another thing that is currently causing me to lose my hair is…well, losing my hair. Most new moms are at least somewhat familiar with the sudden hormone change that occurs anywhere from 1-4 months postpartum, during which it’s totally normal to lose a crap-ton of your hair (yes, “crap-ton,” it is an actual scientific measurement…look it up). It’s not even that you’re truly going bald – though everyone knows at least one relative/coworker/friend who insists dramatically that “OMG, I totally looked like I was mid-chemo after Aubriannalynnellanorannabelle was born and the hair NEVER CAME BACK.” And those are usually the people that I want to publicly flog with a catfish (but instead simply nod and listen to). Yes, I said “flog with a catfish.”

The truth is – and logically, I know this – that hair has an active phase and a resting phase, and due to the hormones of pregnancy, more hair stays in the “active phase” during pregnancy. This is why pregnancy hair is often thick, full, luxurious, and perhaps even a little too “New Jersey” at times (yeah, I just went there). Well, those hormones can’t last forever, and after baby, they drop dramatically in the first few months postpartum. So then you end up with what I’ve got right now – a clogged shower drain and the task of unwrapping endless amounts of your strands from your baby’s fingers as he or she begins their “I grab everything” stage. And it’s just annoying, not because I wanted ALL that hair I had back during pregnancy, but I’d love to keep, ya know…MOST of it. It looks like my dog grew a 2-foot coat and went into a shedding stage around here. So, since I refuse to cut my hair off, I am stuck with it for now. I’m just hoping that this wraps up soon. I guess it’s the price I pay for being back in my pre-pregnancy jeans…something’s gotta be still a little nuts after the craziness of pregnancy.

So yeah, that’s where I am today. Annoyed. Thanks for tuning in.

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